I’m still alive!

I know it has been a while since I posted last. I’ve been pretty much hibernating during the colder months 🙂 I ended up getting pretty bad SAD this winter and didn’t have much of an interest in anything.

Now that it is spring and the clocks have gone ahead, I have started feeling a little better.

My son has finally had his autism clinic. He managed to get in a few months early due to a cancellation. Results were not what we expected. He meets the criteria for diagnosis but they are holding off a diagnosis because they noticed odd behaviours during the assessment and want him to see a neuropsychologist and a neurologist to rule out other factors that may be mimicking autism before they make the diagnosis. Understandable…but without the diagnosis, we get no help at school. Without help it is a full time job of having to make sure he doesn’t fall behind.  It will be many months before he will get refferals and see specialists.

BUT…the school counselor understands our concerns and has a meeting set up to see if she can get him the help without the diagnosis.  He is now starting to get occupational therapy and is back on the waiting list for counselling. So things are starting to come together.

As for myself, I’ve been back to working out consistently for the last 8 weeks. I just finished Fitness Blender’s 8 week FBFit and will be starting FBBooty and FBAbs on Monday. I’m excited. I’ve gained weight over the winter. More than I am comfortable with. I am looking forward to dropping that and getting more active this summer.

So that is about all for now. Just thought I would make a post with a quick update.




Update on my son and life.

Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I posted and thought I just give a little update on my son.

Not a whole lot has changed since his Asperger’s diagnosis. He was also diagnosed with a dust mite and cat/feather allergy, but this was something we had suspected since it started about a year ago…yes, it had taken that long to get an allergy test done. He was a little nervous about this since we have 3 cats that he adores and worried that we would have to give them away, but the doctor said there was no need with a daily allergy pill.

We are still waiting on the Special Services at school to come up with IEP, it is slower than I’d like, but he has been doing well enough in school despite it. His marks are a little lower in areas that he struggles with, mostly language arts and anywhere else he has to participate as a group. He is really good at math, but at first struggled with Algebra since most of the that was written instructions which he has a hard time with. Since I helped him understand how it worked (I’m ashamed to say I had to re-learn it first LOL) he has been getting good marks.

He has been doing well in his distance “therapy”. He struggles with some of the work because it is more suited for NT children. He has anxiety but has a hard time with describing it or telling us reasons or causes for it. Many of our questions are answered with “I don’t know!”. It is pretty frustrating. I think most of his issue is with his self esteem and confidence, which this program doesn’t seem to address, but I’ve been trying to help him with that myself.  He has joined the cadet program and faced one of his biggest challenges and fears, which was marching in parade night. He has so many fears of messing up or being inspected. As a mother who struggles with the same fears, I find this to be overwhelming for me as I feel a lot of empathy and fear for him at the same time.

So much of life has taken me away from a lot of what I enjoy doing. I’ve been slack with my fitness routine. I haven’t been blogging as much as I’d like. I feel a little overwhelmed and down lately, but thing seem to be falling into place as time goes on. I’ve been writing down 5 things I am grateful for each day and it helps take a lot of the focus off the negative and put it on the positive. It really makes you realize that there are so many little things that we have and experience that we take for granted. 🙂

So that is it. Not a whole lot of change but things are starting to look up.

Thanks for reading!

Aspergers diagnosis, thoughts, and emotions.

My son had his doctor’s appointment last week with the psychiatrist. I didn’t go, doctors offices are still one part of agoraphobia that I can’t seem to shake.

When we had made an appointment with the doctor for him to be accessed for Aspergers, the doctor was doubtful and said she didn’t think he had it. I can understand that, he is a pretty quiet child that doesn’t talk much in social settings so I can see why it would be hard for her or for his teachers to notice it. Heck, while I always had a bit of suspicion about it, I was even doubtful because the symptoms were very subtle.

Instead I getting a check list and checking off what I think were his “symptoms”, I made a list of the traits he displays and gave examples. The doctor was appreciative of this and after reading that and asking him and my husband some questions, she had no doubt that he had Aspergers. She official diagnosed him so that he could get immediate help at school. Normally he would go for further testing, which he will eventually, but that could take up to a year for it to happen.

Even though I had known he had Aspergers for a few weeks now, and I originally was relieved at finally having a cause of all the issues he was having, the diagnosis hit me hard. In the back of my mind I had a little bit of denial, a little bit of hope that I was wrong.

I would see pictures of him as a little boy with a big smile on his face, so full of energy and happiness. So outgoing. He had a smile that would light up a room. It is so different from how he is now. A smile or a conversation is so rare. I feel like I have a totally different child. I went from being someone who he once enjoyed to what seems to be an annoyance that he has to deal with when he wants food.

I hate being so negative about this, but it hurts. It hurts me that he has struggled in the past and no one understood him when he said he just didn’t understand things or believed him when he said he really tried. It hurts me that he will continue to struggle. I know he isn’t broken, stupid, or wrong. He is just different and it is okay to be different. I know things will get better. I know he will start getting the help he needs, or at-least I hope he will.

I’m left feeling sad, worried, anxious, hopeless, frustrated, and lonely. I find it hard to get things done. I haven’t been consistent with my workouts or with housework. I’ve been keeping pretty quiet. I am taking the time to de-stress for both myself and my family.

Instead of making this all negative, I want to mention some of his recent accomplishments. I’ve been using some CBT steps with him to set goals. He went to a convenience store checkout alone while my husband was at a distance. This is a big step for him. He also went to Army Cadets 4 times and really enjoyed himself. He has yet to do a “parade night” where he has to march and wear a uniform (this is what he dreads) but we will find out next week how he does. Yesterday he ran 1km in just under 8 minutes. So proud! They may seem small, but for a boy who is afraid of people, keeps to himself and doesn’t venture out to far, this is huge.

For parents of kids on the spectrum, how did you handle the diagnosis? Did you have a hard time with it? Any tips for me for coping, for resources, or any positive stories on yourself or your children dealing with Aspergers? For parents or for aspies, what was the higher grades like in school?  Another post full of questions 🙂 Thank you all for reading!

*Image is not my own. I found this via google search and cannot find the original source to provide credit.

Anxiety and Aspergers?

School season has always brought on a lot of anxiety for me. Not only is it cold, flu, and stomach bug season (which is pretty scary for an emetophobe!) but it also brings on a lot of anxiety for me when it comes to my youngest son who seems to struggle in school.

My 12 year old son had been diagnosed with social anxiety last year. He had been prescribed Prozac by the child psychiatrist to help aid him with therapy. I was reluctant to let him try it. Eventually I gave in, and he did well on it for a few months. Nearly a year went by with him being on the therapy wait list and the medication was no longer doing anything for him, except causing him to gain weight. The therapist he is supposed to see recommended he try a new type of therapy that is home based and done through sessions over the phone. We decided to try it.

I gave my son the material to look at in preparation for his upcoming sessions. I asked him about it a few days later and he teared up and said that he didn’t understand any of it. None of it. He said he doesn’t know what anxiety is, and when I explained it he said he didn’t get anything like that. He just has trouble with with talking to people and such.

To make a long story short, I ended up doing a bit of research with the “symptoms” he displays. It led me to many articles on Aspergers which shocked me when I read them, because he has most of the signs. I actually do too. I showed my husband and he agreed that he seemed to be a match. We are now waiting to see the psychiatrist to be evaluated.

I am terrified over this.I feel so lost and feel like I don’t know what to do or where to start. I’ve read all I can about Aspergers. I know individuals who have it are high functioning and lead a somewhat normal life. My issue is with the school and health care systems in my area. He will most likely be put back on a waiting list for any type of therapy. The school here was of no help at all when it came to social anxiety, and I’m thinking they won’t be much help if he does get an Aspergers diagnosis. A family member of mine who is a teacher’s aid at a school here said she believes the school will not offer help unless the child is medicated. He needs the help. He has a hard time with instructions, organization, directions, motor skill and writing.

I really do not want my son to be on medication. Not right now anyways. Right now it isn’t helping him at all. He is gaining weight despite watching his calories and getting him active.  I don’t want him to gain so much that it affects his self esteem. He was also prescribed a ADD medication which the doctor says should help counter the weight gain since it will cause him to lose his appetite. I don’t want this to be the solution.

Anyways, that is that. I’m sorry if my thoughts are all over the place. I’m just trying to make sense of everything that is in my head. I have so much to write but my brain is working overtime 🙂

I’m looking for all the help I can get right now. Do you have Aspergers or have a child with Aspergers? Were you/they able to get help in school easily? Are you/they on medication? What is your biggest struggle? What helped the most? Thanks so much!

My Twitter Account was Hacked :(

Well, so far it has been a rough start to this month.

A few days ago I had formatted my computer to try and solve some hardware issues I had been having. After formatting I had downloaded an older version of software (not pirated) from a site that had it hosted on a file hosting site, before I had my virus scanner installed. I immediately downloaded my scanner, scanned and sure enough there was malware in it. I cleaned it up and never thought nothing of it after since my computer had been just formatted and was relatively clean as a result, I thought I was safe.

Until today. Chrome had crashed and my PC locked up while I was busy doing a few things. When I managed to get back in, I had noticed I had 1 tweet remaining in my account 😦 6 years of tweets…gone 😦

I had checked my authorized apps and there were a few tweet deletion apps there with UK ip addresses, and one from Germany.

I feel so sick about this. I had a lot of important tweets. My tweets for reviews, tweets to friends, etc. I like to enter contests too, so all my tweets for entries are gone.

I really hope this isn’t a preview of my month to come 😦

Update:  It seems as though most tweets from August are forever gone and the older ones from before August are still showing in my tweet count and can be seen if I have a direct link to them but nothing prior to September 1st shows in my Twitter timeline. Everything has now been scanned and cleaned and password changed, so fingers crossed that it doesn’t happen again!

I’m Getting My Own Room + Other Updates

No, not my own bedroom, but my own workout room! My own gym so to speak. I’m pretty excited about this!

We’ve decided to build a new garage this summer and originally I was going to have my own loft space for workouts but due to spacing and the weight amount, it was decided that instead of putting in a loft, we’d add length to make my own room. It won’t be overly big at 10 x 16, but big enough for me! In that space I will also be getting a homemade power rack built, so I will be able to do so much more. Right now I have a squat rack with safety pegs but I don’t feel safe with it.

It won’t be started or finished for a few months though.

Other than that, I have been taking it somewhat easy for the past week or two. I’ve started a new 4 day split routine and have been evaluating my macros. I’ve been adding in more fat to my diet and have been feeling more satiated as a result, but now I’m just waiting to see if that gives me an increase on the scale. Although Keto makes me feel so much better, I find it hard to get in a deficit with it to lose. I’ve been contemplating switching to a If it Fits Your Macros style of eating (IIFYM). We’ll see. Trial and error for now.

Since my kids have been out of school, I’ve had a pretty empty house. My boys are visiting their grandparents which is over 4 hours away. My oldest son comes home tomorrow and will be leaving again the day after for Army Cadet camp for three weeks. My youngest son decided to stay longer with his grandparents. So it is just me and the cats.

So that is about it. Nothing too exciting. Until next time…

Valentine’s Day 2013

Valentine’s Day isn’t really a big deal in my house, unless you’re me.  I love all holidays or “themed” days.  It gives me something to look forward to and get a little creative.

Every year I make my boys a special treat for the day.  I was hoping to surprise them after school with a “Cookie Pizza”.  School ended up being cancelled due to bad weather, so I had to work quietly in the kitchen.  My youngest son did glance over at one point and ask if I was making a pizza, so I knew it was starting to turn out the way I wanted it to.  Here is the end result:
Really simple to make, and it tasted great.  I’d definitely make it again. 
One of the other little projects of Valentine’s Day was “Lego” Valentine’s for my son’s class.  Jennifer from Mom vs. The Boys posted a DIY Lego Valentines here, and I thought it was so cute and decided to make my own version of it.  Here is how my son’s turned out: 

I was pretty pleased with them.  My son is so proud and can’t wait to give them out. His class party has been delayed until Monday, February the 24th, and he can’t wait.
All in all, this year was pretty fun.  I received some chocolates from my hubby.  I’m a chocolate fiend, so this is the best gift anyone could give me 🙂  
How did your Valentine’s Day go? Did you do anything special? Make anything special?